Waiting to continue treatment (or not). Waiting for scan and doctor visits. I have spent the past few days in a ‘waiting pool’ of despair. Okay, despair is way too dramatic – I had some blue moments.
I have not always been at ease with waiting. At my worst, I was an impatient single mom rushing my kids here and there, forgetting that time means nothing to little ones. Patience was not my virtue and the unknown just frustrated me.
Then yesterday I was reminded that life is the living we do in between (cancer patient or not). The dash between our birth and death is where we live, and what we do in that time either feeds our soul or sucks us dry.
How I face each day has changed. I no longer rush myself or anyone else about; I no longer carry the weight of things I cannot change and I no longer speak harshly. I do appreciate my gifts (visits from my son/daughter, a sunset, my husband’s smile); I listen closer and I love with reckless abandon. I also wade in the shallow end of uncertainty from time to time, because we all do and that’s okay.
Most days I will focus on the chapters of my story and not the ending. Enjoying the humor, adventure, love and heroic feats of happiness.