Waiting to continue treatment (or not). Waiting for scan and doctor visits. I have spent the past few days in a ‘waiting pool’ of despair. Okay, despair is way too dramatic – I had some blue moments.
I have not always been at ease with waiting. At my worst, I was an impatient single mom rushing my kids here and there, forgetting that time means nothing to little ones. Patience was not my virtue and the unknown just frustrated me.
Then yesterday I was reminded that life is the living we do in between (cancer patient or not). The dash between our birth and death is where we live, and what we do in that time either feeds our soul or sucks us dry.
How I face each day has changed. I no longer rush myself or anyone else about; I no longer carry the weight of things I cannot change and I no longer speak harshly. I do appreciate my gifts (visits from my son/daughter, a sunset, my husband’s smile); I listen closer and I love with reckless abandon. I also wade in the shallow end of uncertainty from time to time, because we all do and that’s okay.
Most days I will focus on the chapters of my story and not the ending. Enjoying the humor, adventure, love and heroic feats of happiness.
cancer avenger 
just posted this on my facebook page..hope you don’t mind…
This is a beautiful post. Reminds me of all the doctor’s offices with my dad. And downstairs in the basement of NYU for radiation.
I hated it there but always stayed positive for him.
Thankfully, miracles are always unfolding.
love and gratitude for you,
Gabe Berman
Where Is God When Our Loved Ones Get Sick?
The Question That Haunts Us and the Answer That Helps Us Heal
Thank you, Gabe for your kind words. I know your Dad appreciates your positivity – I am sure it gives him strength.
Dear Cousin, You’re such an inspiration to me. I love you so much!
so glad to see you here! thanks for the kind words. xoxo
Thought provoking words from one of the most amazing women I know. You inspire me and remind me on what is important. Big hugs!
You are one who embraces all that is good and loving. Keep smiling my friend!
There are some very special people on this planet and you are truly one of them!
Keep on keeping on my friend. …
Right back atcha! You and Lynne are beautiful souls.
I often picture your smile and your “f you cancer” amidst the circle of those who surrounded you at the relay. Knowing your circle is far wider than I think you could possibly realize is a thought that warms my heart.
Pete is right dear one…you ARE an inspiration. Not only to each of us, but to all those we are surrounded by as well. The circle continues to widen…..
You are SO loved!
I often reflect on our “FU cancer circle” and hold that energy – makes me smile every time… and so do your words of love. Love ya sista
My sweet Carol…..you are such a beautiful person….I wish I could help you with your waiting.
My prayers will always be with you.
Patty
Thank you so much for your prayers and love.
I am so in love with my Earth Girl. I know you don’t believe you’re an inspiration but you ARE. I’ve become a better person because of you and you bring out the best in everyone. You make the world smile. You are someone to behold, to aspire to be, to cherish. When I hold you, I don’t want to let go. When I leave your presence, I can’t wait to be back in your arms. You are my muse, my soulmate, my reason. I love you, my darling and want to continue to make the most of our ‘dash’ together.
I adore you.
I adore you more.
You are such an inspiration to so many. I hope you know this. Thanks, Carol! I needed this today.
Sending lots of love your way. You should come back to California and breath in our energy 🙂
Carol…you are most awesome. 🙂 To more chapters and sunny days! 🙂
Right backatcha awesome Wallie!
Carol,you are such a inspiration to me….love u!
I love you too dear one! xoxo
Hi Carol,
Your blog is pretty amazing…and so are you! I wish you didn’t have to go thru all this.
Love always- Carl
Thanks so much, Carl! Life is truly good.
You remind us all of what living truly is and I love you for it!! Thank you for a beautiful way to get back on track today.
You and Trac give me such strength – you are a strong, loving team who live fully and completely.
That was so beautifully written and moving. I will aspire every day to think like this…
Thank you my sweet friend.